{It’s a conference lifting up and supporting adopting/adoptive mamas.  Totally amazing.  Go sign up for the March one.}

There were literally so many amazing things that happened I can’t even remember them all, it was that good.  I remember saying over and over again, ‘Me too!’ {and crying over and over again as mamas talked about adopting their babies}.

One of the coolest things that happened was the first night.  See, all along this adoption journey I have prayed one word over and over: peace.  Peace for our decision to adopt, peace for our wait, peace for our birth mother, peace for my soul during the hopsital stay…you get the idea.  Well, the first night’s speaker said the following {I kid you not}, ‘There are some people in this room that pray for peace.  God knows this and He is going to give you that peace this weekend.’

You got that right, sister!

I heard so many wonderful, PEACE-filled stories about birth mamas, open adoption, being in the hospital…God knew I needed that and He provided it.  Over and over as reassurance to me.

The retreat touched my heart, and changed my life.

In other news, here is Miss MM singing one of her school songs yesterday.  I love that she says, ‘Wait! Wait!’, as she tries to figure out which number/finger she’s on…and at the end when she holds up one finger in a not-so-polite way to count.  HA!

And two, this past week MM and I spent a good hour on Pinterest getting Valentine ideas. She kept going back to one over and over no matter how many times I tried to convince her to get a more “girly” one, but nope, she only had eyes for this mustache valentine.

So here is the photo I took this evening of her making a funny face that I added a little text to. Once we get them back we’ll {I say “we’ll” because MM is in on this project 100%} glue little black felt mustaches on each one. Thankfully there’s only seven other kids in her class that we have to make these for!

Anyway, back to MM’s third birthday party.  At least once a day I sing to her You Are My Sunshine and when I asked her what kind of birthday party she said, ‘Sunshine party! Lots of yellow!’

{Well, to be truly honest, first she told me she wanted a surprise party like on Caillou.}

And I loved the idea.  I could do yellow.  ’Cause my little girl is our sunshine.  A true ray of happiness in our lives.

First, the invitation.  I had Loralee Lewis design them {she did them for her cookies and milk party last year}.

I maybe so Type A, but I just love it when all the party-goers wear a certain color {we did pink for her first birthday} and so of course I added “your sunniest attire!” to the invite. MM wore a cute little number from FaithWorks4U.

As for food, I planned the party at 11am because of MM’s nap, but then I got to thinking that it wouldn’t be a good idea to feed the kids {MM’s cousin and two friends from her class} a bunch of cake and suckers and cupcakes at 11 and then expect them to eat a normal lunch afterwards.  So I did chicken nuggets {from Chick-Fil-A}, homemade mac ‘n cheese, Goldfish/tortilla chips, a tray of pineapple and banana halves, cheese cubes, and homemade mini cornbread muffins.  All yellowy and orange goodness.

As for the dessert table we had a yellow cake {MM’s request}, yellow cupcakes, and a “candy bar” of yellow sweets.  {For drinks I had a big container of lemonade and a tub of iced down orange Crush in bottles.  And precious striped straws with little flags that said “Mary Margaret” and “Sunshine” on them.  But I didn’t get a picture.  Boo.}

For decorations I did three yellow pom poms, a fabric garland, a ‘Oh, Happy Day’ banner {my favorite song}, and a little sign I bought long before this party planning began. The party favors were little yellow buckets full of yellow candy, bouncy balls, bubbles, tangerines, etc.

…now for the surprise part.  I had C. and his best friend take MM to breakfast {and to Petsmart where they bought her a betta fish that unfortunately passed away yesterday–I think our cold house killed him (her?)}.  Everyone gathered in the dining room and when MM came in the front door she saw me peeking around the corner.  Of course she had to run to see us…and that blur?  That’s how fast she moved.  She was so overwhelmed with the “SURPRISE!” that she hugged my mom for a few minutes until she got used to all her family standing there smiling at her.

It was a good party.  Can’t believe my baby is three.  My, how time flies.

And another thing that is just amazingly sunny in our lives right now? This little guy, who I got to see during an ultrasound on Tuesday. Weighing in at 4 pounds, 11 ounces he’s a little ahead of schedule. We might just be having ourselves our February baby!

Oh, dear me, how can it be that the long, skinny newborn of mine be three years already?

How can time pass so quickly?

I swear it was just yesterday that I stared down at her in my hospital bed, achy and medicated, feeling such a love and such a bond that it physically made it hard to breath.  I knew the first moment that I held her I would die for her without a second thought, no question.

And my, what a joy it has been to see her personality emerge.

Serious.  Inquisitive.  An old soul.  Slow to trust, but loyal.  Loving.  Thoughtful.  Stubborn.  Polite.  Funny.  The light of my life.

What an amazing baby toddler little girl that she is.

I am one lucky lady to be her mama.

Mary Margaret Elanor, your mama loves you to the moon and back and I love watching you grow.  My only prayer for you is happiness.  I pray everyday that you will chase your dreams and never doubt yourself because, my special girl, you can do anything you put your mind to.  Always know that your daddy and I are here for you.  Always.

And what a difference three years makes.  Her Birth Day:

Her First Birthday:

Her Second Birthday:

Her Third Birthday:

For an hour every Wednesday she gets to dance and sing with an instructor and two other little girls. Mommies aren’t allowed to watch, but I could hear the little girls laughing, dancing, and singing through the door.

She LOVES it.  I knew she would–she’s been talking about it for weeks–and now that she’s gone to one lesson she’s talking about it even more.

I love my beautiful dancing girl.

And I’m sure it’s not a surprise that I find myself thinking about our adoption.  It seems like just yesterday…and yet also like a lifetime ago…that we announced we were adopting in late January almost a year ago.

Here we are almost a full year later and in a sense, the same.  No baby, but the hope of one to come.

This year though we know his name.  And that hope all centers around a day {or a week or two} in early March when he should be here.

To say I imagine holding him the first time, looking into those eyes, and whispering ‘We’ve been waiting on you’, a hundred times a day is an understatement.  Because, y’all, the thought of him follows me everywhere I go.

With every teeny tiny-sized purchase I make, with every thing I pull out of storage, every time I go into his room, or every time I talk about March–he is there.  He’s so real it’s almost like I could put my hand on my stomach and feel him kick, living there inside me.  Our lives are intertwined though a few hundred miles separate us.  But one day–most like a chilly, early spring day, we will meet–and my heart and arms already long for that day.

And I have to say, because it’s what I’ve been realizing, that infertility is a beautiful thing.  Never in a million years would I have ever imagined myself saying that as I sat crying on another bathroom floor with another negative pregnancy test in my hands…or when I sat on a cold doctor’s table and was told that the baby we had been praying for was no longer there.  Because of this unspeakable grief I have experienced as my heart {whose only wish my whole life was to be a mother of many children} is overjoyed with the thought of our next child.  My heart sometimes feels as if it could burst it is so happy and joyful.  My soul sings.  And infertility gave me that…it made me realize just how beautiful and wonderful and amazing the gift of having a child is.  It made me realize how very blessed I am to be the mama of such a special little girl…and to this amazing little boy.

Infertility gave me a gift–a joyous heart.

Of course, nothing with adoption is ever set in stone until the papers have been signed {and in our state ten days must also pass after that until he is really, truly ours}, but I can’t tell my heart to not laugh with happiness.  I cannot hide the feelings for our son.  I tried at first, I really did.  But every time I thought about him {and his precious birth mother}, a smile would come across my face and the love grew and grew.  There’s no stopping this mama’s love.

So this January 1st while I envision our upcoming year {which always stops in early March because how in the world am I supposed to think past him being born?!}, our son is at the forefront of my mind.  And my daughter as she becomes a {wonderful} big sister.  And my husband as he becomes a dad to two.  And myself who, well, I think I already told you…is just a little excited.

Thank you for still being here, waiting out the the periods of silence while I hope and dream, to see these beautiful things that are about to come.  Happy New Year, everyone, may 2012 be all you dream of and more.

The homemade gifts alone…my, oh my.  Then top it off with MM having the croup…and upper respiratory virus thing…and step throat…AND pneumonia all in a four day period. I didn’t even know you could have both strep and pneumonia at the same time.  Apparently I was wrong.  Oh so very wrong.  Thankfully, two doctor visits, a pow-wow at the children’s hospital ER, many nebulizers and antibiotics later we are slowly on the mend.  I saw the word “we” very seriously as this has taken quite a toll on me too.  The crying, and the fevering {is that a word?}, and the fussiness, and the throwing up, and the coughing…oh my, the coughing.  Let’s just say we all need a little break from sickness in this house.

Anywho…still can’t show you pictures of all my hand-crafter merry-making {…and never will on one of them since I put it in the mail today without taking a picture…oops}, but thought I’d just do a big old photo dump of all the things I caught on my camera phone lately.  With the sickness conveniently left out, ’cause goodness, no one wants to see pictures of that.

Susie the Elf fishing in the tree stand one morning.

MM playing on the farm during the tree season. {Her sweatshirt says “Mary Margaret: The Boss” on it…ha!}  She’s a hoarder in the making, I swear.

Random morning of baby stroller pushing and dressing up.

When left alone for five seconds with Coco {our cat} this is what I found…she blamed it on Coco.

‘Memory’ is her favorite game as of late.

Another Susie trick.

Cooper’s 50-pound present arrived one day. Still trying to decide how to wrap that thing!

Loving all those Christmas cards. So many precious, beautiful kids!

She is very big on mothering right now {see the above picture with her stroller} and she likes to role-play that her baby is Moseby.

The shirt says it all, people.

Getting a nebulizer treatment…while watching herself.

Another stroller picture. This time she was taking Moseby to school {hence her bookbag}.

And if you’re still reading this…congratulations! I’m surprised I haven’t bored you to tears.

All you need is construction paper {I think blues look best}, paint, two Sharpies, a hole punch, and string.

Get four fingers covered in white paint and press onto the paper.  Let dry and make into snowmen.  Hole punch and add some yarn to hand it with.

I did this with 6 – 9 year olds and then went home and did it with my {almost} three year old.  Definitely anyone can do it!

At Lenox

At Rhodes Hall {our annual tradition…click here for ’09 & ’10}

And at our Christmas tree farm where we get to give him big ol’ hugs before riding on a hayride with him

…oh and who could forget the day he just stopped by the farm with Mrs. Claus

Yes, yes, no doubt, she is one spoiled little elf.

Here’s another one of those posts that I just didn’t get around to when we did it weeks ago.  You know my reasons {…and the perfect little knit gray hat…the dark gray booties…and all the other shopping and preparing going on for Baby C.}, but I still wanted to post these photos here since this little blog keeps track of our family’s life.

I will say that cutting down a Christmas tree is just not that big a deal if you own a Christmas tree farm.  We see them every day.  I’ve been trying to think of a way to make it more special and I think the next time we plant {late winter} I’m going to let MM pick out a liner from the batch as HER tree.  We’ll put a special tag on it and let her take care of it for the next four years as it grows.  And then when it’s time to cut it {and she’ll be almost 7–ACK!} she’ll get to use the saw herself and help her daddy. 

But until then we just go out in the fields and cut our trees…or three…down.

If you want to cry all you have to do is go back to 2009 and 2010 and see how much my little one has grown. It’s crazy how quick they go from a little baby to a toddler talking in full sentences.