His Time

Today at Kelly’s Korner she wrote about how this is National Infertility Week.  She wrote about her struggle with infertility and asked her readers to leave a comment with their stories.

I didn’t really think much about it and added mine.

Ovarian cancer at 15.  More ovarian surgeries.  Left with 1/2 an ovary.  Tried for 13 months and conceived our miracle.  After a high-risk pregnancy we were blessed with a perfect daughter.  Tried for 7 more cycles with fertility meds.  Miscarriage.  Have been trying for 4 more.  Saying prayers and counting our blessings.

That’s our story.  To me, it’s a rough story filled with many tears…both the heartbroken kind and the my-heart-is-so-full-of-happiness-it’s-going-to-explode kind.

And then I read about other women and their struggles to have children.  It makes my own struggle looks so very silly and small.I just wish I could go back and tell my 16 year old self that it would all be okay and that I would have a child (because I worried about my future fertility then).  And then by the time we had been trying for 13 months? Well, I was a basketcase.  It is so hard to have faith when you feel like there is no hope.

Then we had MM and my faith was renewed.  I believed we would (easily) have the large family I always longed for.

That was until we started trying and after 11 cycles I have to admit, the fear is starting to set in again.  Daily I tell myself, ‘In His time, in His time’.  I’m doing my very best to just let all the stress and worry go because I know if we are only blessed with our Mary Margaret, then we will be more than fine.  We are infinitely blessed.  At least once a day I stop and watch her because she is just so perfect.  I am in awe of the gift I have been given.  But then I get wrapped up in the whole infertility struggle again and seem to forget that.

So, tonight when you say your prayers, please say a prayer for those 136 commenters {and counting} who left their stories over at Kelly’s today.  And one for me too–to daily treasure my blessings and to not worry about the future.  It’s all in God’s time after all.

He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. ~Psalm 113:9 {ESV} 

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