TMI ALERT: The Status of My Reproductive Health
So… I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.
MM is 5.5 months old. Since she’s been born I’ve had three periods at 6 weeks, 10 weeks, 13 weeks. Then I didn’t have a period for 10.5 weeks. I took five pregnancy tests even though I was on birth control. All were negative. But my head kept screaming at me, ‘Something isn’t right!’ I had lost all my pregnancy weight and then some, but my belly was still big. My abdomen had a full feeling to it…a feeling I’ve known several times in my life.
Finally I went to the doctor and had an ultrasound. They found another cyst. I say “another” because I’m a cyst growing kind of gal. I only have one partially damaged ovary that apparently works since we have MM, but always in the back of my mind I know that if I get another doozie of a cyst I could lose my ability to have any more children.
And this cyst is the size of an orange (about the size of a three month baby in utero and the reason my belly was still rounded) and filled with “gunk” as the sonographer described it so, as you can imagine, I became pretty distraught as I waited on my doctor.
I thought about my health of course, but I also thought of the future child (or dare I say, children) C. and I might have. While I was sitting on the table in my paper gown I realized with certainty I wanted another child. I had been going back and forth with this since my delivery. I wasn’t sure if I could physically handle another triple high risk pregnancy (Pre-E, GD, Eclampsia) and another trimester (or more) of bedrest. But then today when I realized my fertility was in jeporady, I KNEW I wanted to have another child. And I started to grieve the loss of my future child(ren). And then I felt guilty because I am so blessed to be given the opportunity to have MM and I shouldn’t care if I can have another child or not–I should be satisfied with my life. I felt so torn in my heart about what I was thinking verses what I should be thinking.
Then the doctor came in. She told me due to my history that she wouldn’t do surgery right now and that we would just wait six weeks. She said the cyst should be gone by then, but if not we would “deal” with it then. She also said to get off the birth control because it was obviously making my teeny, tiny, partial ovary kick into overdrive to produce these cysts.
Then I breathed for the first time in over an hour. We might just have another child one day.
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10 Responses to “TMI ALERT: The Status of My Reproductive Health”
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oh…i am so praying for the ugly cyst to go AWAY! You are such a great mommy:)
Lots of love,
Lane
I’ll be praying for you and your fertility and for the cyst to be gone when you go back to the doctor. I know the feeling of thinking that you may not be able to have children! Gives me the chills thinking about it…
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about and praying for ya! God will bless you with the desires of your heart….in his time..
I love you so much and you are always in my prayers and Gincy is right…God will bless you with the desires of your heart in HIS time! I have learned that God’s timing and mine are never the same.
You are a great mommy! I will pray extra hard that your cyst goes away. So not to be getting in your buisness, but do you think going off the pill may mean another baby once the cyst is gone?!
gincy, you are so right, girl. i just have to keep telling myself that over and over. i’m such a planner…but there are some things you can’t plan.
meaghan, well, we said we would start trying again when mm is 9 months (since it took us so long to get pregnant w/her) so maybe we’ll start trying now instead. haha! or at least not trying to not try. (i’m doing the natural flow–or whatever it’s called–temperature/c.m. fertility monitoring)
Big hugs sweetie. I can totally relate to how you feel. The uncertainty is not fun at all. I will be praying for you sweetie, please keep us updated!
You are in my thoughts and prayers! Love you!
Nat, I so wish that you and your C will have more children ! You are such a natural for “Mothering.”
Yes, God will let this happen in his own time if that is his plan. What great surprises the Lord may just have in store !!! MM would love having a playmate OR two around !
[...] My ovarian cyst is still there. An ultrasound confirmed today that it is still there. Since it’s the same size it was six weeks ago, I have to have surgery. Hopefully it will just be a 3″ incision done as an out-patient, but my doctor did say there was a possibility of doing the traditional bikini line incision if I have too much scar tissue. I haven’t scheduled surgery yet, but I’m looking at the Friday before Labor Day. As I like to say, always something! [...]